I have less than 24 hours until my departure now. The past couple of days has been a cornucopia of emotions: worry, depression, confidence, anxiety, excitement, regret, panic, apathy, you name it!
Good sleep is always hard to come by for me as d-day draws near (a capital D-day there didn't seem appropriate considering the historical use of the term). I spend the usual hours in bed, but my dreams consist of every imaginable worst-case scenario, or I wake up and start looking for something around the room (who knows what) until I realize that it's all part of my dream and go back to bed. They are fitful nights to be sure.
I mentioned in my last blog that sometimes waiting is the worst part. Now I know that's what people say only until it's time to actually go, because then THAT seems worse! I've deployed enough over the years to know when all the emotion will finally overwhelm me: wheels up on the airplane. When those jet engines push me back in the seat and the nose goes up, that's when my last line of defense seems to give out, and inevitably, I cry. I couldn't begin to describe what I'm crying about; it's a culmination of feelings, in this case, over the past four months.
Tomorrow will not be fun. Sad goodbyes, last-minute packing, "I forgot about..." realizations, etc. But none of it will keep the plane from leaving with me on it.
Not sure when I'll get settled at the next destination. I will do my best to let you know as soon as I can. Thanks for your prayers and do me a favor please: give Jennifer a call in the next few days to see how she's doing. Thanks!
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Marc, It is uncle Jim & Emilie, A lot of time has pasted since I remember anything about a deployment to a combat zone, but reading your comments brought back many apprehensions that you've stated so well. Our thoughts and prayers will be with you.
ReplyDeleteHello my love, I'm doing alright... thanks for asking friends & family to check on me. I'm tracking your flight and hoping to get a text from you soon! Love you!
ReplyDeleteGood Luck, Marc- I'll make sure we say a few good Lutheran prayers for you over the next few months.
ReplyDeleteMarc,
ReplyDeleteThis is the third time I've tried to post a comment. Hope it works.... I'm such a caveman. I don't have a clue what a url is????
Uncle Jim and I've been floundering with the blog.... first time for both of us. (You should be soooo proud for pushing us into the 21st next century!)I've been working with Jim and he complained that he couldn't get a picture to post. I got a dumb picture (did you like the Pennsylvania Tuxedo?) to post but cant get the comment. You'd think between the two of us we could figure this out.
In the previous two attempts I wrote about how your comments created little flashbacks of apprehension for me. It's sooo strange how those little "traumas" of my service-time never really leave me alone. My reoccuring "nightmare-dream" (which always surfaces when I'm feeling particulary vulnerable in any daily circumstance) always involves me being back in the service (drafted again, I guess)and having to do another combat tour. I spend my whole time trying to explain why I should have to be doing this. How stupid is that???? Yet, in the dream it seems perfectly believable. Maybe because when I was in that reality, it was like a nightmare. Pretty ironic twist, huh.
So, bottom line, relax all this is good for you. No, that's not it... uh, I promise to keep praying for you. Keep your head. I'll write again soon. Uncle Ken
Marc,
ReplyDeleteLooks like my comment found its way to you (5-13)successfully. Guess I need to proof my comments before "posting", huh?
How you are processing all the information coming in? There must be a lot of new places, faces, etc. I remember how distrubing all that was. We humans are wired to have familiarity around us. The service doesn't always allow for that luxury. Hopefully, a note from someone you recognize will help with that.
Everyone I speak to is very proud of you and all the other servicemen that make the sacrifice every day, day in - day out. It's a little sad that 100% of the American public doesn't understand that sacrifice. I've always found it ironic that if the servicemen do their job right, the rest of the public never have to experience any discomfort. That twist makes for a sometimes insensitive public. But those of us who served ALL know. We thank you again for pulling your part of the load. Thank God that there is someone willing.
Well, gotta go. It's pouring rain here. What's it like there? Can you share?
Love, Uncle Ken & Aunt Rain
Leaving for deployments punctuated my time in the Navy. Sometimes I was excited, but it always involved heartbreak. When they told me I had to go back to the persian gulf for the third time I cried like a baby. After a few hours I drank a fifth of jagermeister, and am pretty sure I packed and left drunk. Classic. But, you have a strong support system and this is a different time. I made the most out of that last trip, and turned a negative into a positive. It gave me the courage to go to college. Repeat after me: "Don't let the bastards get you down."
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