I mentioned in my previous blog that I’m working noon to midnight. There are a few exceptions, but pretty much everybody on a military deployment like this works at least a 12-hour day. For many, it’s more like 14 or 15. I work a shift; the job I do is a 24-hour a day job, so I head out the door when the other shift comes in. All that to say that I rarely have to work beyond my 12 hours because someone else is there to take over.
That being said, writing about my free time shouldn’t take too much time, right?
Many of the people that I work with here are Special Forces (SF) guys, so this place has an ingrained culture of fitness. As a result, people spend a lot of time at the gym, and so do I. It’s a good stress reliever, and hey, I’m at the age now where I’m fighting the battle of the bulge. You can imagine that these SF guys are some monsters in the gym, so I consider myself the comedic entertainment. I haven’t seriously lifted weights for years, but I’m starting here, trying to get stronger. The other day I decided to bench press. Although I can run and bike, I’ve never had a strong upper body. You can see where this is going right? It’s like a scene from a Mr. Bean movie or something! For those of you that don’t know, the bar itself is 45 pounds. Not wanting to hurt myself and having no idea where to start, I put about 20 more pounds on, 10 on each side. Those are LITTLE weights. When it was all said and done, I was able to lift about 105 pounds about six times! I wish I had a picture, because it was comical: me struggling, the bar, and three LITTLE weights on each side. I bet I was the subject of some stories the next day. Oh well, you’ve got to start somewhere, right? I’ve decided to abandon all pride and just go for it. By the way, the next night I saw my Lieutenant (three inches shorter and about the same weight) benching around 260. Hmmmm…
Another exercise outlet for me is the pool. I’m very happy to be able to swim laps over here. I have to get in our team vehicle and drive over to the main side of base, but it’s worth it. The pool is an Olympic-sized outdoor pool that evidently was a training pool for the Iraqis before we got here. It’s really nice. I try to make it over there three times a week in the morning. I wouldn’t want to go in the afternoon anyway, it would be too hot. It’s hot enough when I’m there at 10:30am. Since it’s a military pool in a forward-deployed area, there are several signs posted that females must wear a one-piece suit, and any violations will result in suspension of pool privileges. Every time I go there several of the loungers are occupied by girls in their bikinis working on their tans. For some reason, I never see anyone enforcing the “one-piece” suit rule.
At the end of my day I spend time in the computer/phone lab. There is usually a line, but phones or computers are available usually within 15 minutes or so. The line is a result of a lack of wireless internet around here. There’s also no internet available in the CHUs, so the computer lab is the one place to get connected. It’s nice to have since I’m able to call Jennifer either on the phone or better yet, on Skype, every single night (afternoon for her). I don’t know how we survived those submarine days with NO contact for a couple months. At home Jennifer and I spend half our lives on the computer, or so it seems, but with the internet only available at the lab, that’s not the case here.
I’ve got a pile of books lined up to read and I’m starting to wonder if I’ll get through them. By the time I’m crawling into bed, it’s because I’m tired and ready to sleep, and when I get up, it’s because I have to be somewhere. I think a little reading before bed would do me some good, because then maybe I’ll dream about that instead of the crazy work-related dreams that I usually have!
There’s really not much else to tell in the “free time” department. Most of my social time comes from the fellow Chief Petty Officers around here. They are a good bunch of people and easy to talk to so a 20-minute meal time often becomes an hour. Hey, nobody is in a hurry to get back to work, right?
Marc
12 June 2009
05 June 2009
"May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house." - George Carlin
My House
I live in a “CHU” and as you can guess that’s just another military acronym. Oddly enough, I haven’t found anyone that knows what the “C” stands for, although they are sure that the “HU” stands for Housing Unit. Cubicle maybe?? This room that I’ll call home for the next five months isn’t too bad. It’s designed to house two people, but I’m senior enough that I’ll have it all to myself.
It’s roughly 18 feet long and seven feet wide: 125 square feet of my own space… far better than the 12 or 14 square feet that I could call my own on the submarine! I’ve only seen two other rooms other than my own, and it appears the “equipment” in the room varies. It depends on what the last guy left for you, or sold to you, or what you may have managed to get from someone else when they left to go home. I’m lucky enough to have a small refrigerator, as I’ve discovered only a few people have. I have two twin beds, two lockers (think high school size lockers), two wood three-drawer cabinets, and two four-drawer plastic cabinet things (like the ones you buy in Walmart in the storage aisle). The coup de gras is the leather desk chair. I have no idea how it got here or where it came from, because I have no desk. But hey, it’s a comfy chair!
I have my laptop that I’m typing on now, although no internet connection here in my room. I’ll explain more about that at a later time but for now I’ll stay focused on my accommodations. I paid the last guy $50 for a third, fourth, or fifth generation 15” TV hooked up to a DVD player. There is a cable coming in from the outside that is hooked to the TV, but I think it’s a tease; there’s nothing coming through that cable. So basically the TV is just for watching DVD movies.
The floor is a lovely (haha) linoleum that will be a challenge to keep clean. It’s impossible to keep the dust and dirt out (this place is nothing but sand, dust, and gravel – more on that later, too). I have one small throw rug that was already here, and I bought another one (they have them at the military PX) to help cover the floor. A lamp would be nice, but I have to make due with two fluorescent lights on the ceiling. Fluorescent light is nice for the garage, not for the bedroom or the living room (in my case it’s all the same).
I have a window, although I keep the rolontons (sp?) closed all the time. It’s 110 during the day so I’m not anxious for any sun to make its way in here, especially since it starts to come up at about 0445. I’m working noon to midnight so I prefer to stay asleep a little longer than that!
That’s about it I think… I have electricity, 220 voltage, but the $50 I paid also include a few converters so that I can plug in my laptop, charge my iPod, and plug in the alarm clock that came with the $50, too. I almost forgot the most important thing, which of course is the air conditioner. It never shuts off. Ever. If I lived in this climate without AC (as most Iraqis do), quite frankly, I wouldn’t do a damn thing during the day. It was running like a champ when I moved in, then they pulled it out of the wall one day to power wash the whole thing. I’m convinced it doesn’t work as well anymore (go figure), but it still does the job.
This “CHU”, like all the others, is a “dry CHU”, which means I have to go outside to go to the shower or the bathroom. It’s not far – 30 seconds away. The showers are okay, like the shower in a nice campground, if that makes any sense at all. I’ve been here for and few weeks and had hot water all but two days. I know, you’re probably thinking, “Why would you take a hot shower when it’s 110 out?” I’m weird like that. No matter how hot it is I can’t stand taking a cold shower! Since writing this part of the blog, I discovered (with amusement) that I never had to shower without hot water; I just happened to be in the stall with the control knobs reversed and I didn’t know it!
Lastly, my “CHU” is surrounded by concrete walls that they call “T walls” because of their shape. EVERYTHING is surrounded by concrete. I guess concrete is the new sandbags. For the first few years of presence here, this base was known throughout Iraq as “Mortaritaville” because of the high frequency of mortar attacks from the bad guys. It still happens occasionally, but only a couple of times a month. And when I say mortar attack, I mean one, two, or three homemade mortars lobbed in an indiscriminate direction toward the base. I don’t mean to minimize it, because it’s still dangerous and people can still get hurt. But it’s rare now. I don’t know when the last time that someone was hurt in an attack here, but I think it’s been quite awhile. There are concrete bunkers scattered around the housing units, but I’ve never had the unfortunate occasion of using one.
So that’s my house in a nutshell (well, a CHU).
Marc
P.S. I took some pics, but I'm having mucho problems trying to upload them to the blog. Any advice from you other bloggers would be much appreciated. It seems to get hung up after I browse to the picture and hit "upload". It doesn't get past "sending request to blogger.com".
I live in a “CHU” and as you can guess that’s just another military acronym. Oddly enough, I haven’t found anyone that knows what the “C” stands for, although they are sure that the “HU” stands for Housing Unit. Cubicle maybe?? This room that I’ll call home for the next five months isn’t too bad. It’s designed to house two people, but I’m senior enough that I’ll have it all to myself.
It’s roughly 18 feet long and seven feet wide: 125 square feet of my own space… far better than the 12 or 14 square feet that I could call my own on the submarine! I’ve only seen two other rooms other than my own, and it appears the “equipment” in the room varies. It depends on what the last guy left for you, or sold to you, or what you may have managed to get from someone else when they left to go home. I’m lucky enough to have a small refrigerator, as I’ve discovered only a few people have. I have two twin beds, two lockers (think high school size lockers), two wood three-drawer cabinets, and two four-drawer plastic cabinet things (like the ones you buy in Walmart in the storage aisle). The coup de gras is the leather desk chair. I have no idea how it got here or where it came from, because I have no desk. But hey, it’s a comfy chair!
I have my laptop that I’m typing on now, although no internet connection here in my room. I’ll explain more about that at a later time but for now I’ll stay focused on my accommodations. I paid the last guy $50 for a third, fourth, or fifth generation 15” TV hooked up to a DVD player. There is a cable coming in from the outside that is hooked to the TV, but I think it’s a tease; there’s nothing coming through that cable. So basically the TV is just for watching DVD movies.
The floor is a lovely (haha) linoleum that will be a challenge to keep clean. It’s impossible to keep the dust and dirt out (this place is nothing but sand, dust, and gravel – more on that later, too). I have one small throw rug that was already here, and I bought another one (they have them at the military PX) to help cover the floor. A lamp would be nice, but I have to make due with two fluorescent lights on the ceiling. Fluorescent light is nice for the garage, not for the bedroom or the living room (in my case it’s all the same).
I have a window, although I keep the rolontons (sp?) closed all the time. It’s 110 during the day so I’m not anxious for any sun to make its way in here, especially since it starts to come up at about 0445. I’m working noon to midnight so I prefer to stay asleep a little longer than that!
That’s about it I think… I have electricity, 220 voltage, but the $50 I paid also include a few converters so that I can plug in my laptop, charge my iPod, and plug in the alarm clock that came with the $50, too. I almost forgot the most important thing, which of course is the air conditioner. It never shuts off. Ever. If I lived in this climate without AC (as most Iraqis do), quite frankly, I wouldn’t do a damn thing during the day. It was running like a champ when I moved in, then they pulled it out of the wall one day to power wash the whole thing. I’m convinced it doesn’t work as well anymore (go figure), but it still does the job.
This “CHU”, like all the others, is a “dry CHU”, which means I have to go outside to go to the shower or the bathroom. It’s not far – 30 seconds away. The showers are okay, like the shower in a nice campground, if that makes any sense at all. I’ve been here for and few weeks and had hot water all but two days. I know, you’re probably thinking, “Why would you take a hot shower when it’s 110 out?” I’m weird like that. No matter how hot it is I can’t stand taking a cold shower! Since writing this part of the blog, I discovered (with amusement) that I never had to shower without hot water; I just happened to be in the stall with the control knobs reversed and I didn’t know it!
Lastly, my “CHU” is surrounded by concrete walls that they call “T walls” because of their shape. EVERYTHING is surrounded by concrete. I guess concrete is the new sandbags. For the first few years of presence here, this base was known throughout Iraq as “Mortaritaville” because of the high frequency of mortar attacks from the bad guys. It still happens occasionally, but only a couple of times a month. And when I say mortar attack, I mean one, two, or three homemade mortars lobbed in an indiscriminate direction toward the base. I don’t mean to minimize it, because it’s still dangerous and people can still get hurt. But it’s rare now. I don’t know when the last time that someone was hurt in an attack here, but I think it’s been quite awhile. There are concrete bunkers scattered around the housing units, but I’ve never had the unfortunate occasion of using one.
So that’s my house in a nutshell (well, a CHU).
Marc
P.S. I took some pics, but I'm having mucho problems trying to upload them to the blog. Any advice from you other bloggers would be much appreciated. It seems to get hung up after I browse to the picture and hit "upload". It doesn't get past "sending request to blogger.com".
26 May 2009
"What dreadful hot weather we have! It keeps me in a continual state of inelegance." -Jane Austen
Finally a blog! I intend to talk more specifically about the different aspects of life over here, but for the sake of getting SOMETHING out there, the following is an adaptation from an email I sent to immediate family:
I apologize that the communication has been pretty poor but I've been busy doing turnover with the guy I replaced. My internet access is limited anyway since I have no internet in my room and have to sign up and wait for a computer at the lab. Then you get 30 minutes max. Hopefully I can nail down a schedule that will get me on to this crazy thing they call the "world wide web" more often.
I have plenty of computer time today because I'm not at my "home" station but I'm in the capital city of Baghdad. Work required me to come here for a couple of days. I was supposed to go back last night but was not able to get transportation. What that means is that I'm here waiting to try again tonight, but in the meantime I don't really have anything else to do. Not bad for a birthday, huh? So I'm taking advantage of the computer time here in Baghdad.
What can I say about Iraq? There is a huge difference between Balad (where I will be staying) and Baghdad. Balad is a former Iraqi air base and it really is in the desert per se. It's completely flat and there is NO vegetation. My world there consists of concrete, gravel, and dust. It feels very industrial. Baghdad, on the other hand, was built on the banks of the Tigris river, so there is color here (some green anyway) and vegetation, including palm trees. The other difference is that in Balad we are mostly living in trailers or small buildings that WE built there. Here in Baghdad we live and work in the former dictator's houses and palaces. We basically moved in and set up shop.
On that note, Baghdad feels a little weird, and I'm not sure how to explain it. At the moment I'm sitting in a big room in what once was a palace. There is a chandelier hanging from the ceiling and there is an amazing marble-tiled floor, but the beauty of this place is gone. These places are not maintained. The walls are dingy, there is dust and dirt everywhere. The walls are cracked now and the rigged electrical work that we have done since arriving just hangs freely from the walls. The windows and doors to the terraces overlooking the city (I'm on the third floor) are sealed shut, blocked by huge tarps or pieces of plastic to keep the sun out. And yet the curtains still hang to the side. Some of the original furniture is still here too, like the huge table the computers sit on. I'm sure it was a gorgeous table once upon a time, very ornate, but now it's dingy, scratched, and beat up. In that sense this very much feels like "occupation", not as if we are here for a short stay. I'm not taking any political stance by saying that, only that it saddens me a little that such a grand place once upon a time is now in this state. The grounds outside, I'm told, were once lush and green all around this hill that it sits on. But since that greenery took lots of irrigation and work, it has since mostly died, including the trees. So now this once beautiful palace sits on top of a burnt out brown hill, with port-a-johns lined up outside and concrete barriers all around it. At some point, and it may not be until I return, based on my internet access, I will post some pictures so that you can see what I'm talking about.
Life where I will be staying (Balad) is pretty good, so don't feel too sorry for me. I have my own room, and although it's not fancy, it is my own room. Ed and Brad, you remember my room in Bosnia. It's similar to that. I can eat 24 hours a day and the food is pretty good (I'm not sure this is a good thing!). The gym facilities, although I had heard were totally awesome and top-of-the-line, are not quite soooo great, but still good enough for me. They do my laundry for me there; I just turn in the bag and it comes back two days later clean and folded! My weapons skills will be top-notch when I leave; I can shoot my M4 and M9 at the range any time that I want to. They have all the ammo, I just show up and load. And everything that I just mentioned is a five minute walk or less from everything else. There is a chapel, too, and I went to church last Sunday. I'm hoping to plug into a bible study while I'm over here.
Joint Base Balad (JBB) is huge, but all of the stuff I mentioned is on the portion of the base that I live, and it's separated from the other stuff on the base. My team has our own vehicle, so within 10 or 15 minutes I also have access to an Olympic-size outdoor pool, a movie theatre, the PX, barber shop, tailor, Pizza Hut, Green Beans Coffee, Taco Bell, Burger King, etc. Do you feel sorry for me now?? haha. Considering that we just had Memorial Day weekend, I can't help but almost feel guilty for "fighting a war" in this kind of situation. I think about those that I know like Uncle Ken and Uncle Jim that have served in places like Vietnam. I realize it was a different era then, but compared to the environment that they fought in, this probably doesn't even crack the "war" threshold. Watching "Band of Brothers" and documentaries about WWII... I am left in awe and full of gratitude for the service of the men and women who went before me to defend freedom and democracy around the world. I am very honored to be an inheritor of the legacy that they have left for us.
We occasionally receive indirect fire from improvised mortars. They are not sustained attacks, more like a random launch here and there, and they very rarely hit near anything of importance. I don't mean to minimize any danger, but I have conceded in my heart to the fact that the likelihood of me being injured or dying from a random mortar attack is about equal to that of me dying in a car accident at home. I just pray for safety for everyone here and realize that it's out of my hands. There's nothing that I can do personally to minimize the threat.
The hardest thing to deal with then, is the heat. It's been over 100 degrees every day I've been in Iraq, and of course, it will only get worse throughout the summer. We've already hit 113 on one of the days. You can imagine that even a three-minute walk outside in my uniform (boots, desert camouflage pants and jacket; the sleeves MUST be rolled down) turns into a massive sweat fest. I drink gallons of water each day and a bunch of Gatorade too. If you haven't drunk any fluid in about 30 minutes, your body starts to feel it. Thankfully, all the buildings are air-conditioned, including my living trailer, work building, gym, dining facility, etc. One of the reasons I haven't had much of a desire to eat Pizza Hut, Burger King, etc., is because they are not buildings like you would think of in the States. They are basically trailers with an order window and a pickup window, kind of like Dairy Queen. Then they have a picnic table area, like a picnic pavilion, to sit and eat. Food, no matter how good it may be, is just not that appealing to me if you have to sit in 105-degree heat to eat it! So I stick with the chow hall. I imagine I'll reach a point where I'm craving that taste for Americana, but it will be awhile yet.
Once I get settled back in Balad, I'll start working my regular 12-hour shift. I work with a lot of great people, good at what they do, and dedicated to getting things done, even if it's in the heat of Iraq so far away from family. One of the things that I've always liked about the military is that when you are overseas, for the most part everyone treats each other as extended family. We all stay pretty tight over here, and I imagine that I'll make some friends that I will have for years to come.
Although the group here has a "family" feel to it, I terribly miss my REAL family: my dear wife and my two kiddos, Duke and Koshi. Being away helps me to appreciate what I have waiting for me back at home. I miss you baby and I've never looked forward to Thanksgiving as much as I am this year!
Hope this finds you well.
Marc
I apologize that the communication has been pretty poor but I've been busy doing turnover with the guy I replaced. My internet access is limited anyway since I have no internet in my room and have to sign up and wait for a computer at the lab. Then you get 30 minutes max. Hopefully I can nail down a schedule that will get me on to this crazy thing they call the "world wide web" more often.
I have plenty of computer time today because I'm not at my "home" station but I'm in the capital city of Baghdad. Work required me to come here for a couple of days. I was supposed to go back last night but was not able to get transportation. What that means is that I'm here waiting to try again tonight, but in the meantime I don't really have anything else to do. Not bad for a birthday, huh? So I'm taking advantage of the computer time here in Baghdad.
What can I say about Iraq? There is a huge difference between Balad (where I will be staying) and Baghdad. Balad is a former Iraqi air base and it really is in the desert per se. It's completely flat and there is NO vegetation. My world there consists of concrete, gravel, and dust. It feels very industrial. Baghdad, on the other hand, was built on the banks of the Tigris river, so there is color here (some green anyway) and vegetation, including palm trees. The other difference is that in Balad we are mostly living in trailers or small buildings that WE built there. Here in Baghdad we live and work in the former dictator's houses and palaces. We basically moved in and set up shop.
On that note, Baghdad feels a little weird, and I'm not sure how to explain it. At the moment I'm sitting in a big room in what once was a palace. There is a chandelier hanging from the ceiling and there is an amazing marble-tiled floor, but the beauty of this place is gone. These places are not maintained. The walls are dingy, there is dust and dirt everywhere. The walls are cracked now and the rigged electrical work that we have done since arriving just hangs freely from the walls. The windows and doors to the terraces overlooking the city (I'm on the third floor) are sealed shut, blocked by huge tarps or pieces of plastic to keep the sun out. And yet the curtains still hang to the side. Some of the original furniture is still here too, like the huge table the computers sit on. I'm sure it was a gorgeous table once upon a time, very ornate, but now it's dingy, scratched, and beat up. In that sense this very much feels like "occupation", not as if we are here for a short stay. I'm not taking any political stance by saying that, only that it saddens me a little that such a grand place once upon a time is now in this state. The grounds outside, I'm told, were once lush and green all around this hill that it sits on. But since that greenery took lots of irrigation and work, it has since mostly died, including the trees. So now this once beautiful palace sits on top of a burnt out brown hill, with port-a-johns lined up outside and concrete barriers all around it. At some point, and it may not be until I return, based on my internet access, I will post some pictures so that you can see what I'm talking about.
Life where I will be staying (Balad) is pretty good, so don't feel too sorry for me. I have my own room, and although it's not fancy, it is my own room. Ed and Brad, you remember my room in Bosnia. It's similar to that. I can eat 24 hours a day and the food is pretty good (I'm not sure this is a good thing!). The gym facilities, although I had heard were totally awesome and top-of-the-line, are not quite soooo great, but still good enough for me. They do my laundry for me there; I just turn in the bag and it comes back two days later clean and folded! My weapons skills will be top-notch when I leave; I can shoot my M4 and M9 at the range any time that I want to. They have all the ammo, I just show up and load. And everything that I just mentioned is a five minute walk or less from everything else. There is a chapel, too, and I went to church last Sunday. I'm hoping to plug into a bible study while I'm over here.
Joint Base Balad (JBB) is huge, but all of the stuff I mentioned is on the portion of the base that I live, and it's separated from the other stuff on the base. My team has our own vehicle, so within 10 or 15 minutes I also have access to an Olympic-size outdoor pool, a movie theatre, the PX, barber shop, tailor, Pizza Hut, Green Beans Coffee, Taco Bell, Burger King, etc. Do you feel sorry for me now?? haha. Considering that we just had Memorial Day weekend, I can't help but almost feel guilty for "fighting a war" in this kind of situation. I think about those that I know like Uncle Ken and Uncle Jim that have served in places like Vietnam. I realize it was a different era then, but compared to the environment that they fought in, this probably doesn't even crack the "war" threshold. Watching "Band of Brothers" and documentaries about WWII... I am left in awe and full of gratitude for the service of the men and women who went before me to defend freedom and democracy around the world. I am very honored to be an inheritor of the legacy that they have left for us.
We occasionally receive indirect fire from improvised mortars. They are not sustained attacks, more like a random launch here and there, and they very rarely hit near anything of importance. I don't mean to minimize any danger, but I have conceded in my heart to the fact that the likelihood of me being injured or dying from a random mortar attack is about equal to that of me dying in a car accident at home. I just pray for safety for everyone here and realize that it's out of my hands. There's nothing that I can do personally to minimize the threat.
The hardest thing to deal with then, is the heat. It's been over 100 degrees every day I've been in Iraq, and of course, it will only get worse throughout the summer. We've already hit 113 on one of the days. You can imagine that even a three-minute walk outside in my uniform (boots, desert camouflage pants and jacket; the sleeves MUST be rolled down) turns into a massive sweat fest. I drink gallons of water each day and a bunch of Gatorade too. If you haven't drunk any fluid in about 30 minutes, your body starts to feel it. Thankfully, all the buildings are air-conditioned, including my living trailer, work building, gym, dining facility, etc. One of the reasons I haven't had much of a desire to eat Pizza Hut, Burger King, etc., is because they are not buildings like you would think of in the States. They are basically trailers with an order window and a pickup window, kind of like Dairy Queen. Then they have a picnic table area, like a picnic pavilion, to sit and eat. Food, no matter how good it may be, is just not that appealing to me if you have to sit in 105-degree heat to eat it! So I stick with the chow hall. I imagine I'll reach a point where I'm craving that taste for Americana, but it will be awhile yet.
Once I get settled back in Balad, I'll start working my regular 12-hour shift. I work with a lot of great people, good at what they do, and dedicated to getting things done, even if it's in the heat of Iraq so far away from family. One of the things that I've always liked about the military is that when you are overseas, for the most part everyone treats each other as extended family. We all stay pretty tight over here, and I imagine that I'll make some friends that I will have for years to come.
Although the group here has a "family" feel to it, I terribly miss my REAL family: my dear wife and my two kiddos, Duke and Koshi. Being away helps me to appreciate what I have waiting for me back at home. I miss you baby and I've never looked forward to Thanksgiving as much as I am this year!
Hope this finds you well.
Marc
09 May 2009
"I've been a long time leaving but I'm going to be a long time gone." - Willie Nelson
I have less than 24 hours until my departure now. The past couple of days has been a cornucopia of emotions: worry, depression, confidence, anxiety, excitement, regret, panic, apathy, you name it!
Good sleep is always hard to come by for me as d-day draws near (a capital D-day there didn't seem appropriate considering the historical use of the term). I spend the usual hours in bed, but my dreams consist of every imaginable worst-case scenario, or I wake up and start looking for something around the room (who knows what) until I realize that it's all part of my dream and go back to bed. They are fitful nights to be sure.
I mentioned in my last blog that sometimes waiting is the worst part. Now I know that's what people say only until it's time to actually go, because then THAT seems worse! I've deployed enough over the years to know when all the emotion will finally overwhelm me: wheels up on the airplane. When those jet engines push me back in the seat and the nose goes up, that's when my last line of defense seems to give out, and inevitably, I cry. I couldn't begin to describe what I'm crying about; it's a culmination of feelings, in this case, over the past four months.
Tomorrow will not be fun. Sad goodbyes, last-minute packing, "I forgot about..." realizations, etc. But none of it will keep the plane from leaving with me on it.
Not sure when I'll get settled at the next destination. I will do my best to let you know as soon as I can. Thanks for your prayers and do me a favor please: give Jennifer a call in the next few days to see how she's doing. Thanks!
Good sleep is always hard to come by for me as d-day draws near (a capital D-day there didn't seem appropriate considering the historical use of the term). I spend the usual hours in bed, but my dreams consist of every imaginable worst-case scenario, or I wake up and start looking for something around the room (who knows what) until I realize that it's all part of my dream and go back to bed. They are fitful nights to be sure.
I mentioned in my last blog that sometimes waiting is the worst part. Now I know that's what people say only until it's time to actually go, because then THAT seems worse! I've deployed enough over the years to know when all the emotion will finally overwhelm me: wheels up on the airplane. When those jet engines push me back in the seat and the nose goes up, that's when my last line of defense seems to give out, and inevitably, I cry. I couldn't begin to describe what I'm crying about; it's a culmination of feelings, in this case, over the past four months.
Tomorrow will not be fun. Sad goodbyes, last-minute packing, "I forgot about..." realizations, etc. But none of it will keep the plane from leaving with me on it.
Not sure when I'll get settled at the next destination. I will do my best to let you know as soon as I can. Thanks for your prayers and do me a favor please: give Jennifer a call in the next few days to see how she's doing. Thanks!
04 May 2009
Counting Down
I know I'm getting close to leaving because I haven't slept well the past couple of nights and probably won't until I'm settled in Iraq.
It's not that I have a lot to do - I'm pretty much ready to go. I've got a few training evolutions to go to this week, but I don't have a load of "must do's" hanging over my head.
So why the anxiety? I think it's primarily fear of the unknown. I've had minimal contact with the person I'm replacing (not my choice) so I'm walking into a situation that I don't know a lot about. Not a big deal... I know I'll roll with it, but not knowing is the hardest part.
The latest news report says that the Iraqis still want U.S. combat forces out of their cities (urban areas) by the end of June (note 1). My gut keeps asking the question, "Why am I headed over there now?". But I know there is still work to be done.
My worries about getting hurt over there are minimal. The fear I have is that someone who is supposedly on our side will turn on us and I'll get shot feeding my face in the chow hall or running on the treadmill in the gym (note 2).
T minus six days.
Notes:
(1) http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090505/ap_on_re_mi_ea/ml_iraq_180
(2) http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/nationworld/la-fg-iraq-shooting3-2009may03,0,3004508.story?track=rss
It's not that I have a lot to do - I'm pretty much ready to go. I've got a few training evolutions to go to this week, but I don't have a load of "must do's" hanging over my head.
So why the anxiety? I think it's primarily fear of the unknown. I've had minimal contact with the person I'm replacing (not my choice) so I'm walking into a situation that I don't know a lot about. Not a big deal... I know I'll roll with it, but not knowing is the hardest part.
The latest news report says that the Iraqis still want U.S. combat forces out of their cities (urban areas) by the end of June (note 1). My gut keeps asking the question, "Why am I headed over there now?". But I know there is still work to be done.
My worries about getting hurt over there are minimal. The fear I have is that someone who is supposedly on our side will turn on us and I'll get shot feeding my face in the chow hall or running on the treadmill in the gym (note 2).
T minus six days.
Notes:
(1) http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090505/ap_on_re_mi_ea/ml_iraq_180
(2) http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/nationworld/la-fg-iraq-shooting3-2009may03,0,3004508.story?track=rss
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