"A sailor has a peculiar cut to his clothes, and a way of wearing them which a green hand can never get" - Richard Henry Dana Jr.

Yesterday I finished the book "Two Years Before the Mast" by Richard Henry Dana, Jr. The author wrote the book from his journal entries during a two year voyage as a common seaman back in 1834. Here are a couple of my favorite passages...

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"As she was to get under way early in the afternoon, I made my appearance on board at twelve o'clock, in full sea rig, with my chest, containing an outfit for a two or three years' voyage, which I had undertaken from a determination to cure, if possible, by an entire change of life, and by a long absence from books, with a plenty of hard work, plain food, and open air, a weakness of the eyes, which had obliged me to give up my studies, and which no medical aid seemed likely to remedy."

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"My little knowledge of a vessel was all at fault. Unintelligible orders were so rapidly given, and so immediately executed; there was such a hurrying about, and such an intermingling of strange cries and stranger actions, that I was completely bewildered. There is not so helpless and pitiable an object in the world as a landsman beginning a sailor's life."

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"I shall never forget the delightful sensation of being in the open air, with the birds singing around me, and escaped from the confinement, labor, and strict rule of a vessel—of being once more in my life, though only for a day, my own master. A sailor’s liberty is but for a day; yet while it lasts it is perfect. He is under no one’s eye, and can do whatever, and go wherever, he pleases. This day, for the first time, I may truly say, in my whole life, I felt the meaning of a term which I had often heard—the sweets of liberty."

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"Stimson and myself determined to keep as much together as possible, though we knew that it would not do to cut our shipmates; for, knowing our birth and education, they were a little suspicious that we would try to put on the gentleman when we got ashore, and would be ashamed of their company; and this won’t do with Jack. When the voyage is at an end, you may do as you please, but so long as you belong to the same vessel, you must be a shipmate to him on shore, or he will not be a shipmate to you on board."

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In speaking of San Francisco... "But it has been through its season of Heaven-defying crime, violence, and blood, from which it was rescued and handed back to soberness, morality, and good government, by that peculiar invention of Anglo-Saxon Republican America, the solemn, awe-inspiring Vigilance Committee of the most grave and responsible citizens, the last resort of the thinking and the good, taken to only when vice, fraud, and ruffianism have intrenched themselves behind the forms of law, suffrage, and ballot, and there is no hope but in organized force, whose action must be instant and thorough, or its state will be worse than before. A history of the passage of this city through those ordeals, and through its almost incredible financial extremes, should be written by a pen which not only accuracy shall govern, but imagination shall inspire."

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Being a Navy man, I really enjoyed reading about the life of a "real" Sailor back in the days of sailing ships. It's my heritage, and so many of our traditions are built upon life at sea during those days. I'm glad that a Harvard boy (Richard Henry Dana, Jr.) decided to write this book!

"Force and mind are opposites; morality ends where a gun begins" - Ayn Rand

Sometimes our sensitivities about issues get a little out of control.

Today Kobe Bryant (and LeBron James by association) are being criticized for a Nike magazine print ad titled "Prepare for Combat." Underneath the picture of Kobe is the quote, "I'll do whatever it takes to win games. I don't leave anything in the chamber." All the hoopla over the ad is the result of its release right on the heels of a decision by NBA commissioner David Stern to suspend Gilbert Arenas and Javaris Crittenton for the remainder of the season. Those two, who play for the Washington Wizards, were suspended for bringing weapons (guns) to the locker room.

Nike used the same theme, "Prepare for Combat", for their Fall football advertising campaign. Remember the Adrian Peterson commercial? The NFL campaign included Brian Urlacher and a few other NFL stars. Then they rolled the same theme into other sports like soccer, hockey, and the NBA with a few of their big stars, like Kobe and LeBron. But that's beside the point.

So what is the point? I don't think there is an issue with a print ad that says, "I don't leave anything in the chamber". It's quite a stretch to compare that phrase to someone bringing guns to work. Are you catching my drift? "I don't leave anything in the chamber" is NOT in the same ballpark as bringing a REAL GUN to a locker room. It's not even in the same state. The funny part to me is that the association is such a stretch that the article finds it necessary to explain it to those who might not be able to make the connection: "The chamber in a gun is the compartment that holds the bullet before it is fired." Thanks Discovery Channel.

Maybe this whole thing is a waste of my time. The media is way too easy of a target.

But I do feel that the sensitivities to gun violence have spun out of control in our country. There have been kids suspended from school for drawing a stick figure with a gun. Seriously? I don't believe in blaming video games, music, toys, movies, TV, or NBA stars for gun violence. I blame it on a lack of parenting or guidance. Kids (or adults for that matter) can be taught the difference between those things and reality.

Take for example my own childhood. I grew up with toy guns all over the place. I remember getting a Starsky and Hutch gun for one of my birthdays (first grade I think). Unfortunately it was broken by the time the party was over, but that's another story. My brothers and I played guns all the time. In fact we made our own guns out of wood and gave them names like "destroyer" and "eliminator". I used to love taking a big piece of paper and drawing out an entire battle scene with tanks, airplanes, machine guns, hand grenades, and swords. My brothers and I played with army men, watched the "A Team", shot BB guns, slingshots, and rubber band guns, and had rock fights with the neighbor kids. Oh, and I used to play "Combat" on my friend's Atari 2600. Amazingly, I haven't been arrested for assault with a deadly weapon and I don't carry a gun to work. I reject the idea that gun violence is the fault of the guns.

Gilbert Arenas and Javaris Crittenton brought guns the locker room. Did I say that already? And the reason that they brought those guns is that they thought they might USE them. That's bad news. Stern's suspension decision was definitely justified. In fact, he should have banned them for life. I'm okay with taking action against serious infractions such as this one.

But let's not get ridiculous. What's next? Making the Golden State Warriors change their name? How about the Timberwolves? That wolf on their logo looks really mean and violent. So does that Raptor in Toronto. By the way, I don't remember any of the Washington Bullets being suspended for bringing guns to work. Maybe it's not the name after all.

"Everything too stupid to be said is sung" - Voltaire

Okay, so here are 10 songs from my "Top Rated" playlist on my Ipod that I'm about 80% embarrassed to admit that I like so much...

Sk8er Boi Avril Lavigne
London Bridge Fergie
Free Mya
All the Girls B3
MMMbop Hanson
Summer Girls LFO
Lip Gloss Lil’ Mama
Informer Snow
I’m Not Missing You Stacie Orrico
Let’s Go Dancing 2 Men

Hey, I can't resist catchy songs. If you clicked on all the links, you might find yourself liking them as much as I do!

"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our life whole" - Roger Caras

I feel guilty for being sad already, and Duke is still with us.

Duke turns 14 in the next few days, and although I try to deny it or explain away the changes, I can see him slowing down. And it makes me terribly sad. He doesn't run as much as he used to, he's a little slow to get up, harder to wake up from his sleep, hard of hearing, etc. As much as I want to believe that our boy will always be with us, that he will always be our young pup, the fact is that he's getting very old and our time with him is drawing short. How in the world am I going to deal with losing him?

So the worst part is that I'm letting the sadness of the FUTURE event of losing him affect me. I'm not sure that's a good thing. It's kind of like going to visit family for three days and moping around the first day because you know you have to leave in two days. Can Duke detect my sentimentality? Is it possible that I could be affecting how quickly he is growing old because he can sense that I see him growing old? I hate that I treat him differently because I know that I'll have to say goodbye to him in the future.

I was telling Jennifer the other day that I've taken more pictures of Duke in the past year than I did in the previous five years combined. Every time I look at him I want to take his picture, because I don't want to let him go. Maybe it's selfish, because I'm scared that if he passes and I don't have many pictures of him then I'll be guilt-ridden for the rest of my life. I find myself on the floor a lot more, playing with Duke, and TRYING to snuggle with him (he has always hated snuggling; must be claustrophobic).

We absolutely love our pets. They have been our children and we love them like people love their kids. The idea of seeing either one of them suffer is almost unbearable. Both of our pets (Duke and Koshi) are old now, and there are challenges that go along with that. I know it sounds petty, but every trip to the vet has the potential to become a moral dilemma. How much money do you spend to maintain the life of an aging pet? According to the vet, our Koshi is in the early stages of kidney failure. She's 15 years old and has had a good life. She's not suffering at the moment, and monthly medication and a science diet, although more expensive than before, is reasonable. But how do you identify the point where her quality of life is suffering to the point where the expense is no longer worth it? Gosh, even talking about it makes me feel like a horrible person. It feels like putting a price limit on the life of my Koshi. It's certainly more complicated than that, and I'm not sure that I'm even verbalizing it well enough to understand.

When we left California we decided to put down Andie, our little Bichon that Jennifer saved from the street in Spain. She was very old, sickly, and generally did not have a good life. She was suffering a lot, and we decided it was time. I would love to say that from that day on Jennifer and I have been sure that we made the right decision, but how would we know that? I (and I suspect Jennifer does too) occasionally wonder about whether or not it was too soon. Did we take her life too early? I can't even begin to explain how painful it is to have that internal debate. It's excruciating. And we'll probably have to face two more similar decisions in the next few years. I'm dreading it. Putting little Andie down was the hardest thing that I've ever done in my life, no kidding. Sometimes I selfishly hope that when the time comes that Koshi and Duke both will simply go to sleep at night and not wake up... just pass peacefully on from this life. That's why I find myself lying on the floor beside Duke's bed each night, hugging and kissing him and telling him how much I love him.

Ultimately, I'm scared of life without Duke and Koshi. I don't want to let them go. Maybe my thoughts about reaching that point now is my mind's way of trying to mentally prepare me for it so that it doesn't destroy me when the time comes. But at the same time I know I'll never be totally prepared for it.

"The merit of an action lies in finishing it to the end" - Ghengis Khan

What a bust, huh? My blog started out as a great idea and then fizzled as week after week went by with no post, no ramblings, no random thoughts on life out here in Iraq. So first, I apologize that I sucked you all in and then left you hanging high and dry. I feel pretty lame... and Ghengis's words of wisdom aren't helping me feel any better!

I'm writing this note from one of my last stops in Iraq; Baghdad, in a computer lab on Camp Slayer. Two months ago it seemed that this deployment would never end, but the end has FINALLY come and I'm on my way home.

I have much to thankful for, most importantly that I am slipping away back to U.S. soil without any injury, illness, or damage to my body. I had mentioned indirect fire attacks in an early post; those continued throughout my time in Balad, but to my knowledge none found their targets so no U.S. personnel were injured or killed by them in the past six months. There was a helo crash in Balad about a month ago that injured several and killed one: Specialist Michael S. Cote was his name, originally from Louisianna. It's hard to fathom how it must feel to find out that you've lost a loved one serving in Iraq or Afghanistan. It hurts to think about it. I had members of my team here in Baghdad and also in Tikrit, and I'm happy to say that all of them are returning home safely.

When I hop onto the internet back in the United States, it's going to feel like jumping from 14.4 dial-up circa 1994 back to the present. I constantly tried to remind myself how nice it was that we at least had SOME access to the internet for email, etc., but I grew increasingly frustrated with it throughout the deployment. I have taken for granted the luxury of high-speed internet! I can't remember if I mentioned it back in another blog, but one day when I clicked on a publication that I needed for a qualification I was working on, the computer began to download it and said it would take something like 6 days, 18 hours to download. I made do without it! Here in Baghdad it is only slightly better: I tried to download a word document from Jennifer that had some pictures embedded in it. The computer said it would take 28 minutes to download. Because of those frustrations, my one hour per day on the internet was usually barely enough just to log in, check a few emails, and send a few back. And I did that "in the background" while I talked with my beautiful wife on Skype. What a blessing that was! Seeing your loved ones' faces and talking with them went a long way toward getting me through this deployment.

I feel like I WAS able to see it through to the end. Admittedly, I was in a slightly bitter stage for a couple of weeks about a month ago, the stage where I was just so tired of life in Iraq and ready to go home, like NOW. But that stage quickly gave way to the "happy go lucky" stage when you realize that you are so close to leaving that nothing can bring you down (with the exception of an extension, which thankfully didn't happen to me). But we saw our work through to the end; my team did a lot of great work contributing to getting bad guys off the streets. One of my personal goals was to qualify as an Enlisted Expeditionary Warfare Specialist which I was able to do. It took the majority of my free time for a couple of months, but in the end it was worth it. To many people it may be just another badge for the chest or more of the alphabet added to your Navy title [now I'm CTIC(EXW/NAC/AW) Baldwin], but to me it means that I'm still relevant and contributing to this expanding part of the U.S. Navy mission, the one that is far away from the blue waters of the oceans.

Although I never verbalized it, I brought several books and hoped to end the deployment with more books read than movies watched. I'm proud to say that I watched three movies in six months, but managed to read about 7 or 8 books! Not to say that that was the only "watching" that I did; I watched a season of the TV show "Dexter" and all three seasons of the sitcom "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia". As much as I like TV and movies, when I'm on deployment I find it remarkably easy to live without them.

The next leg of my journey should begin in a few hours. If everything goes as planned I'll be out of Iraq before the new day comes around and my next post just might be from Qatar.

I'm REALLY looking forward to the luxury of communications that we have in the U.S. and catching up with all of you... thank you for all your thoughts and prayers during this deployment!

Marc